I honestly can’t recall how many times something like this happened:

INT. – Some house party I’d be too drunk to remember in the morning – 2AM

Mike: [Swaying back and forth. Drunk.] So yeah, do you like want to make out and touch my bird right here? Or do you want to go somewhere more private?

Girl: [Slowly coming to] What? did you just lace my drink wit…

MIKE AND GIRL BEGIN SUCKING EACH OTHER’S TONGUES OUT.

Thing is I and the girl needed to keep our illicit affair a secret because she is dating somebody else other than me–somebody she actually likes. So you know, only a handful of our friends know about our romantic coquetry but other than that, everything was kept and talked about in a furtive manner.

And then, something like this happens:

Distant Friend: “Dude, I have some good news and bad news about you and [insert name of girl here]. Which do you want to hear first?”

Mike: “Um, I don’t know? The bad news?”

Distant Friend: “Well [insert name of girl here] was over at our place last night and she was pretty drunk and she told us everything that happened between you guys.”

Mike: “[Sudden Mass fear] WHAT?! What’s the good news?”

Distant Friend: “She said that you are, easily, the best kisser she’s ever encountered!”

Mike: “Oh well.”

So yeah, I think my first mid-year resolution should be:

Disgusting, I know.

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