Women can suck my sweaty balls

I was IM’ing with my Ex-girlfriend the other day and she had this to say about one of my posts:

 First of all, I call shenanigans on the dick size bit. I don’t think it’s possible for anyone to have a dick bigger than 4 inches. (But then again, I’m not exactly a dick expert considering I’ve only seen two dicks in my entire life: mine and my dad’s. Both are under 4 inches. Sorry dad.) And second, the fact that a woman can insult my sanity and, indirectly, my dick size in one fell swoop corroborates and further justifies my misogyny.

So yeah it’s official: I HATE WOMEN. And if by any chance I ever get a girlfriend again, I am going to cheat on her constantly. Like, all the time.

In fact, I now intend to get a girlfriend for the sole purpose of doing the following:

• Get some weird-ass STD; preferably Human Papilloma Virus and genital warts.
• Infect the girlfriend with the aforementioned STD.
• Get addicted to expensive designer drugs; an addiction which will be secretly funded by the girlfriend’s savings account.
• Punch girlfriend’s father in the throat.
• Poison girlfriend’s cat.
• Murder girlfriend’s brother with my shoe.

These are all I can think of so far but I’m sure I’ll come up with more as the embers of my hatred for women burn hotter.

Whatever. Now I feel depressed. I think I’m going to go ahead and whittle what’s left of my self esteem by languishing away in some beer house, getting plastered to a point where I wouldn’t be able to recognize basic shapes and colors while trying to strike a conversation like this with a GRO:

GRO: “So what do you do?”

Me: “I’m a TV writer.”

GRO: [unimpressed] “Really? Anything I’d be familiar with?”

Me: “I write scripts for Master Showman.”

GRO: [not believing for one second] “uhuh.”

Me: “So if I slip you an extra 200 pesos will you suck my bird? Or give me a hand job in the parking lot at least?”

GRO: “I don’t think so Kuya Germs.”

Yay. Fucking Yay.

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