A letter to the girl working the drive-thru window at McDonald’s fairview.
Posted on June 14, 2007
Filed Under Daily, Faggotry
Hello,
Even though we have spoken many a time before and you get to see me at least 3 times a week, it has come to my attention that we haven’t been properly introduced. I am Mike Villar, Rising Internet Star, and I want to make lots of babies with you.
You probably only know me as the really fat guy who sweats all over my car’s upholstery and orders a double cheese burger meal with large fries and large soda. I, on the other hand, know you only as a semi-attractive minimum wager who promptly yet gracefully hands me over my order and tries to upsell some McFlurry to me. But, given the proper avenue, I am sure that we can get to know each other on a more profound, more erotic level.
Now our relationship, though only in its early development, can grow I believe into something that we can cherish for an eternity. I mean don’t get me wrong, I’m not only after your body and I know that behind your cheap foundation and the poorly applied makeup that makes you look like a stick of special espasol from Laguna, and that cute red McDonald’s uniform which I’m definitely going to ask you to keep on when I assault you with my genitals, you feel a faint attraction to me. I don’t know what it is exactly that you see in me but perhaps it has something to do with the look on my face that simply screams “I’m willing to punch my mother in the face if you would just let me touch you” or perhaps the fact that I violently shake the loose change in my pocket while rubbing my crotch and mouthing “there is plenty more where this came from” in my best sexy manner appeals to you. I don’t know.
The point is, I know that I might be rushing things here and you might want me to take things slow and attempt to know you better. And trust me, I have. In fact, on one of the few occasions that you weren’t serving me my order, I saw you and your friend smoking cigarettes in the parking lot while you burnt pieces of tissue with your lighter. I couldn’t make out what you and your friend were talking about as I was very hungry and the smell of the double cheeseburger mixed with fries in the plastic bag your colleague handed over to me definitely brings me closer to bacchanalian sexual pleasure more than you and your friend’s obnoxiously tacky conversation could ever bring me. But one thing’s for sure: You like burning things. And you know what? I’m fine with that. If you’re into burning down churches and preschools it’s fine by me. I just want to know your world, and if your world involves a lot of arson, then I’ll bring the matches.
Now, you may be temperamentally disinclined to talk since only a few weeks ago, I wrote a similar message to another woman. Well, I want you to be the first to know that she and I are done. She was a very insensitive and violent woman. I mean what kind of girl physically assaults a man with dinner plates? A man who’s merely trying to give her some chocolates especially after that man had been waiting outside her condo unit in his parked car for two days without any form of sustenance? A harlot and a harpy that’s what. I also want you to know that I would never ever cheat on you. Well except maybe for Jessica Alba, that hot doctor chick from Prison Break or Lolit Solis. Wait. Also that hooker from Novaliches Bayan who let me touch her vajayjay in the men’s restroom back in 1997 when I was hiding from the cops as they wanted to indict me on attempted murder and grand larceny.
Sorry if I creep you out but really, all I’m saying here is to give it some thought. All I’m asking from you is to pick me, choose me, love me. If you don’t, you better have mace ready because nobody’s going to come out a winner. But yeah, I trust you wouldn’t let it come to that.
Yours truly,
Mike ‘Fucking’ Villar
Rising Internet Star
Heir to the duke of Hillcrest
Darlington Socks Model
Hope and Winston Superstakes Winner
2003 Hillcrest Singing Contest 2nd runner up for singing Mike Post’s Believe it or not
2002 University of the East Intercollegiate Quiz Bee 2nd runner up (would’ve won. My opponent cheated)
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8 Responses to “A letter to the girl working the drive-thru window at McDonald’s fairview.”
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The Star
Mike "Fucking" Villar
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"The personal blog of Marketing Strategist, Rising Internet Star, Man Blog editor, child pornographer, alcoholic, and cokehead-- Douchebag Jones--Err, Mike Villar! -
LOL funny stuff! but I hope your new girl understands you! id kil you if you mess your new relationship up she seems like a very sweet gal pa naman
Dude, cubao daw. Kamusta naman yun
I hope you get herpes. From Bim.
And you have the decency to scatter google adsense all over this place?!! What made you think someone will click your ads when all that would show up in your site, given your keywords, will most likely have something to do with Herpes, or Curing STDs, or Viagra. I mean, come on mikey. Your ads are obviously a waste of space! (Come to think of it.. your site is too.. No, scratch that.)
Lucky you, ads showing now includes a “McDonald Action Figures” link (which I clicked by the way, because I pity you). You should write more about McDonalds. Good luck with the adsense.
hot! hot! hot! do we hear a proposal for gloria labandera next?
today must be the national day of open letters
Riz: Say what ever you want but when I get my adsense check–I dunno, I’ll buy lunch and eat it in front of you.
Also, all this mcdonald’s talk is making me horny
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