My friend Jay and the greatest conversation opener in history

Surprisingly enough, the start of my week was relatively subdued.  I, however would be derelict as a rising internet celebrity if I didn’t throw in this little gem for you.

This morning, I met up with my buddy Jay who got so fucked up the night before that he couldn’t make his way home to Fairview and apparently ended up sleeping in some girl he met in a bar the night before’s apartment. So yeah, we met up for breakfast over at McDonald’s Katipunan before I headed to work.

If you know anything about the Mickey D’s in Katipunan, you’d know that it gets pretty packed every morning on weekdays and when seated, each customer is only a couple or so feet away from the next table. Now most people, well, at least people who are socially and conventionally correct, might exercise restraint with regards to what they say as in such close distance, eavesdropping cannot really be helped. Well guess what, my friend Jay knows nothing about restraint.

A few minutes into our McMuffins and Hashbrowns, Jay delivered the single greatest conversation starter in human history–much to my chagrin and everyone else in our vicinity’s intense, muted aversion: “Did I tell you I got pretty hammered last night? I don’t think I even got to have sex with this chick I spent the night with and guess what? She didn’t want to do it in the morning so guess what I did? I peed on her sink and left.”

Um yes Jay. You already told me. But guess who you haven’t told yet? The rest of the people who were eating within earshot–A group of college girls who seemed to be studying for an exam and a group of business-y people who looked like they were in the middle of a meeting–who shook their heads in disgust and upon hearing your story, spent the rest of their breakfast listening to us talk.

I hate my friends.

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