Last Tuesday, I invited myself to the Blogger Food Fest held at the SM Mall of Asia where I hobnobbed with other Internet celebrities and blogosphere elites. This particular event was bittersweet for me as it made me realize that I won’t be dropping the “Rising” in my “Rising Internet Star” title anytime soon. I mean, when I arrived at the venue with my entourage(read: TJ and Riz), I was stopped by the people at the registration table and told me that I wasn’t on the list and hence, can’t be allowed to go in.

Strangely enough, not everyone at the event knew me. (I think primarily because I am only well-known in my circle. You know, the circle who appreciates people like me who can’t write anything that doesn’t directly or indirectly refer to their genitalia, getting drunk, arson or racism). So yeah, instead of shaking hands and getting praised, I spent a good amount of time waiting in front of the reception table, sweating the fuck all over the place with a miserable excuse for an erection.(You know, because I can smell food from where I stood. And food turns me on.), waiting for a ticket in.

Luckily, I saw Rico and Sasha before I passed out of sheer hunger and they managed to get me and my ‘entourage’ in. First thing I grabbed my attention when I walked in the venue was that beer was free-flowing and I knew that I had to take advantage of that.

And did I ever. My struggle with alcoholism is very well documented in the annals of this blog. And seriously, I’ve been trying hard lately to try and keep my insatiable thirst for alcohol in check because recently, my alcoholism has gotten so bad that I’d often find myself having conversations in fluent Spanish with various figments of my creative imagination (a Guinea pig named “Greggy”, a Mediterranean bellhop who works at The Manila Peninsula, and Rico Yan among others). But maybe it’s the environment or the fact that I loaded up on Xanax before heading over to the venue, but the beer they served tasted extraordinarily delicious.

Also, boozing makes me all happy and shit and besides, all the hugging, cheek-kissing, shaking hands, and sneaking to the bathroom every 10 minutes for some hand comfort got me all pumped up. And when I’m pumped up I drink even faster, and when I drink faster than I normally would, I end up saying “Well fuck this all to hell. I’m staying out all night and calling in sick tomorrow!” (Usually a little too loud. And usually overheard by someone who can make or break my career. Say for instance my boss Marc and his girlfriend Sharm who were seated right next to me.)

After I got a good buzz going, I was pretty much only preoccupied with two activities. One would be trying to decide who in the event was the “Saddest.” And by “Saddest” I don’t mean it in the context of “being unhappy” but rather “looks worst” or “looks the least to belong in this event” or “hasn’t had unpaid sex in over 3 months.”

My conclusion. Me. I was the Saddest person in the event. It was a really hard conclusion to make as I don’t know all of the people in the event, but judging solely on a number of things based only on appearance (Clothes, confidence, likelihood of getting laid that night) I was definitely the saddest. Fuck.

I also spent a good number of time gawking at the beautiful women at the event. I didn’t like make an official tally, but I don’t think the word “Panalo” has been said more times in a two-hour period than it was that night. I honestly don’t know what to say about this since I’ve always thought women who “blog” were fat, acne-faced nerds who wear loose shirts and mom jeans. I was sorely mistaken.

As for the event itself, I won’t get into too much details lest someone stops talking to me(Just trust me on this. I have a total of eight friends and I can’t afford to lose more). All I know is that I had a real blast, I got home around 3am and ended up eating microwaved Pizza my dad brought home last week. I woke up without underwear, tomato sauce stains all over my shirt and my iPod jacked in my ear with Wham’s Careless Whisper on repeat. Very nice.

The obligatory “It was great seeing you people at the event but I didn’t get to talk to you that much because I’m busy with my beer and I think you’re douchebags. And fat” section of this post:

• Ricky Manzano
• Karla Maquiling
• Karla Redor
• Abe Olandares
• Ade Magnaye
• Jayvee Fernandez
• Lauren Dado
• Pierre
• Angelo Racoma
• Marlon
• Penny
• Jun Asis
• Markku Seguerra
  
• Gail Villanueva
• Aileen Apolo

Related Shit:

1. Taste Asia 2: Twice the inebriation, Twice the lust The fact that “Mike Villar”, “Bu
2. A stupid High School Reunion, lust, depression When I attended my High School batch’s 10th
3. Aryty, Buffet Line yay! Saturday, I, along with the country’s most i
4. Foodie (?) Not really. This new, self-proclaimed title was br
5. BeerCast: Ang Show na Walang Katulad What happens when you put 5 cases of San Miguel Be