Clark and Michael, An Idea for a Reality Show, whutev.

If you liked Arrested Development, you know, that awesometastic show that got canceled just because not enough of you people know comedy even if it rests its ball on your chin, brushes your teeth with its dick and comes inside your pussy ears? Then you are going to like Michael Cera’s latest project Clark and Michael and you will like it HARD.

It’s basically a mockumentary about two friends trying to get their idea of a TV show picked up by Hollywood. Speaking of mockumentaries, newcomer Clark Duke has this David Brentesque air to him that perfectly complements Michael Cera’s dry, awkward humor.

The show currently has 8 webisodes online and at an average of 10 minutes per episode, it’s perfect for you desk jockeys looking to inject some comedy in your boring-ass office lives.

While we’re on the subject of TV shows, mockumentaries and whatnot, I would like to take this opportunity to pitch MY own idea for a reality show. Not a lot of you know this, but I’m a sucker for reality shows (I’ve actually gotten laid many a time for my superior knowledge of Pinoy Big Brother and its participants. Of course, whether or not the sex I got from said knowledge is consensual is for the legal system to decide.)

Anyway, here’s my idea. Take any resto-bar, and you convert it into a livable space. Then you take 12 people ages 18-30, six guys, six girls and make them live there. Sounds like an awful spin off doesn’t it? But wait, here’s the catch: The group has to drink three cases of Gran Matador Brandy everyday for a period of three months. Of course, people have to be voted off along the way and the sole survivor takes home One Million Pesos.

Think about it, you can hire that douche bag who hosts Change of heart and he could be all like “That’s 400 liters of brandy a day per person for the next 90 days” at the start of the show to make it all dramatic and shit. Then, you can have all the requisite reality show characters: A Wendy-type hot chick who’s made of molten bitchiness, a single mother with a heart of gold, a semi-attractive feisty chick, a washed-up toothpaste model, a chubby guy who gets awfully depressed when he gets drunk and always ends up getting into a fistfight after every episode and of course, the token black guy. (or maybe not.)

To make things more interesting, the show could have some sort of Survivor-type immunity challenges. Imagine:

“Housemates, for tonight’s immunity challenge, we will put each of you inside a 20×20 cage with a Bengal Tiger that you must fight to the death. To make it more challenging, we haven’t fed the tiger in over a week, but we have been giving it steroid shots and some crystal meth and have been constantly aggravating it by poking its genitals with a cattle prod. Mickey, you’re first, good luck!”

Imagine all the drama; the deception, the twists, the fistfights and all the sexing up that’s going to unfold. I haven’t actually polished up the details but I know one thing’s for sure: It would be the most awesome, most controversial TV show in Philippine Television history and because I conceptualized the entire thing, I will end up filthy rich. So filthy rich in fact, that I could afford the hottest prostitutes in town and they wouldn’t say really hurtful things like “Is that your penis or your pinky?” or “I’m not going to put your bird in my mouth again because last time I did, It tasted like sand.” or “Why do you always have to cry after having sex? You’re a grown man Mikey! A grown man with a baby penis!”

Genius. Pure genius.

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