Clark and Michael, An Idea for a Reality Show, whutev.

If you liked Arrested Development, you know, that awesometastic show that got canceled just because not enough of you people know comedy even if it rests its ball on your chin, brushes your teeth with its dick and comes inside your pussy ears? Then you are going to like Michael Cera’s latest project Clark and Michael and you will like it HARD.

It’s basically a mockumentary about two friends trying to get their idea of a TV show picked up by Hollywood. Speaking of mockumentaries, newcomer Clark Duke has this David Brentesque air to him that perfectly complements Michael Cera’s dry, awkward humor.

The show currently has 8 webisodes online and at an average of 10 minutes per episode, it’s perfect for you desk jockeys looking to inject some comedy in your boring-ass office lives.

While we’re on the subject of TV shows, mockumentaries and whatnot, I would like to take this opportunity to pitch MY own idea for a reality show. Not a lot of you know this, but I’m a sucker for reality shows (I’ve actually gotten laid many a time for my superior knowledge of Pinoy Big Brother and its participants. Of course, whether or not the sex I got from said knowledge is consensual is for the legal system to decide.)

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zOMG! You’re in the future!

This entry originally appears at The Man Blog.

As a 25 Year-old urban professional, one of the biggest risk I take everyday when I go to work is the possibility of instantly being teleported into the future. In-depth scientific studies that involve really complex tools like the abacus and those complicated-looking machines that do nothing but display scrolling bleeps and make weird-ass robotic noises has shown that the average human being courses through the time-space continuum at an amazing speed of one second per second!

Now, this is perfectly normal but what if you accidentally walk into a broom closet which emits a series of high power flashes and when you step out, POW! You’re in the future!? I’m not talking about a couple of hours into the future either, but like a few fucking decades! Or even Centuries! zOMG!

Imagine what that would be like. One second you’re minding your own business walking into broom closets and shit and the next you find yourself in a strange dark world where McDonalds doesn’t exist and even if it does it’s probably called “CyberMickeyD’s Sustenance Emporium Adventure Fun Episode” And its logo is a hologram of an android clown that shoots missiles out its nose and shit! zOMG!

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Taste Asia: A story of inebriation and lust

Last Tuesday, I invited myself to the Blogger Food Fest held at the SM Mall of Asia where I hobnobbed with other Internet celebrities and blogosphere elites. This particular event was bittersweet for me as it made me realize that I won’t be dropping the “Rising” in my “Rising Internet Star” title anytime soon. I mean, when I arrived at the venue with my entourage(read: TJ and Riz), I was stopped by the people at the registration table and told me that I wasn’t on the list and hence, can’t be allowed to go in.

Strangely enough, not everyone at the event knew me. (I think primarily because I am only well-known in my circle. You know, the circle who appreciates people like me who can’t write anything that doesn’t directly or indirectly refer to their genitalia, getting drunk, arson or racism). So yeah, instead of shaking hands and getting praised, I spent a good amount of time waiting in front of the reception table, sweating the fuck all over the place with a miserable excuse for an erection.(You know, because I can smell food from where I stood. And food turns me on.), waiting for a ticket in.

Luckily, I saw Rico and Sasha before I passed out of sheer hunger and they managed to get me and my ‘entourage’ in. First thing I grabbed my attention when I walked in the venue was that beer was free-flowing and I knew that I had to take advantage of that.

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Fan Art yay!

You may or may not know that the guys over at The Man Blog have been planning to get a T-shirt out for the longest time. Now, thanks to Midori’s orgasmawesometastic designs, we finally went ahead had the things printed and we’re supposed to get our hands on them this weekend! yay!

For dicks:

For Pussies:

 
And really, we’ve been getting a lot of great design studies, but this is easily my favorite and I wouldn’t mind having this printed for the next batch:
 
Design courtesy of School Boy Project

I mean come on, it’s not like everyday that you get fan art. Also, having this printed on shirts would fulfill a lifelong dream: to be on everyone’s chests! (Boys’ or girls’! But mostly girls’) yay!

Anyway, if you have more suggestions as far as what we should consider for our next shirt design would go, hop over to this thread and let us know. We’re not promising you anything, but if you come up with a nice enough design, we just might buy you a beer. Or if you’re by any chance a hot chick designer and you play your cards right, there’s a good chance that we’ll brutally attack you with our genitals. That is all.

I need a hobby

I have assloads of thoughts going through my head right now. And by “thoughts”, I don’t mean my usual “I’m going to call a bunch of my friends so we can get high sniffing white board marker later tonight and kill a prostitute along Quezon Ave” thoughts but thoughts like “Hey fattie, you really need to straighten up your shit and start taking your life more seriously. Take a look at yourself, you’re 25 and you spend all your time working, getting messed up and making jokes inundated with racism and inappropriate, sexual content and posting them on the internet. What the hell kind of sad life is that?”

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always thought of the life I live at the moment to be pretty fucking awesome but since I popped these yellow pills I bought behind the town church this morning, I am seriously entertaining and considering these thoughts.

Now why am I even telling you this? Well, so I can go on record as to say that I am about to make one of the worst decisions I’ve ever made in my life–I am about to purchase a new gym membership. I know this doesn’t make any financial sense since I already have a gym membership somewhere else but because I am a very depressed, lonely man ensconced in a chair in front of a computer everyday, I thought it to be a good idea to do so while browsing the gym’s website and seeing tons of pictures of sweaty, physically fit people seemingly having lots of fun working out.

I have no idea what I hope to accomplish with this move, besides making myself even more miserable and insecure. Actually, that AND it’ll cost me 3,000 pesos a month; which will go to my high-interest credit card’s monthly bill.

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