The Amazing Masturbating Homeless Person
On my way to work today, I decided to make a pit stop at the Shell Station on Commonwealth Avenue for some gas and a small convenience store raid. While I was waiting for the gasoline guy to bring me my change, I saw this homeless man sitting on one of the gasoline pump platforms, reading an old tabloid. I lowered my window to get a better look and I realized that he was beating his dick like it owes him money.
This just blew me out of the water. I mean wow, could you honestly think of a better way to start off your day?
(I’m not exactly sure what I mean here. Do I mean that seeing some filthy homeless guy masturbate in the gasoline pump platform not more than six feet away from you is a great way to start your day? Or do I mean that actually sitting on a gasoline pump platform, reading a tabloid and masturbating in plain view is a great way to start your day? I don’t know, I’m confused. Whatev.)
One thing’s for sure though; I’m proud of him. He’s probably thinking to himself “Hey, what the fuck? I’m filthy, I’m hungry and I have no home–but none of that’s going to stop me from whipping out my bird and masturbating to this sexy star on the tabloid I found in a dumpster. I mean, fuck, I don’t even care that there are like 50 people here witnessing me do it. Oh shit, I’m coming! Here’s my rugby-scented load! aaaaarrrrhhhhg”
For this, Mr. Amazing Masturbating Homeless Person, I would’ve given you a high five (but you’re dirty, and duh! you just masturbated!). If all men had your bravery, your strength of mind that enables you to act with the utmost grace under duress, and your propensity to sexually pleasure yourself anywhere and any time you please; the world would be, by a whole lot, a better place. You, sir, are a hero among men.
(And of course, being the douchebag that I am, I showed my delight by applauding after he finishes his business. Sadly, nobody caught up with the slow clapping I initiated and on the contrary, I think other people getting gas were quite weirded out when I did. Assholes.)
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"The personal blog of Marketing Strategist, Rising Internet Star, Man Blog editor, child pornographer, alcoholic, and cokehead-- Douchebag Jones--Err, Mike Villar!
August 9th, 2007 at 3:12 am
I’m just surprised he can read!
August 9th, 2007 at 3:25 am
He’s homeless. Not illiterate. Also, do you honestly need to read what’s written on tabloids to masturbate to it?
August 9th, 2007 at 6:34 am
Do you even need a reason to masturbate?
August 9th, 2007 at 4:11 pm
I ShOULD REALLY STOP TROLLING BLOGS ON COMPANY TIMES LEST I GET FIRED BY MY CHINK BOSS HERE AT CHINATRUST.
August 9th, 2007 at 10:56 pm
I ShOULD REALLY STOP TROLLING BLOGS ON COMPANY TIMES LEST I GET FIRED BY MY CHINK BOSS HERE AT CHINATRUST.
LOL
August 9th, 2007 at 11:57 pm
I salute this man and his bravery.
August 10th, 2007 at 2:07 am
Imagining you’re doing those slow claps like in the movies in which the actor will later realize how stupid he is just by doing that and then…. makes me LOLZ!!!!!1111
August 10th, 2007 at 10:15 pm
he’s setting an example for homeless people. indeed, a hero.
August 11th, 2007 at 5:13 am
Look at this Mike Villar, iniba nya ang comment ko. You’re asking for comments on your pathetic blogs so don’t change them. Respect your readers. Mga burges talaga. Pati homeless pinagkakatuwaan nyo. I don’t believe not even one bit of info you wrote here. Kayo naman who praises this senseless act malamang mga burges din kayo. Hay naku….kayong mga pilipino talaga….kaya di kayo umuusad!
August 11th, 2007 at 10:17 am
LOL! He’s probably a psych patient. Just had my patient lower his shorts and show everyone his lovely balls. FYI, the whole poverty-ridden sex-a-holic maniac thing is prevalent in our country. We live in a sick, sad world. Crap.
August 11th, 2007 at 10:40 am
Hey John Doe! wanna prove yourself worthy of your comment? There’s now a masturbating homeless man at the Shell station in Commonwealth Avenue that you can help. You go girl!
August 11th, 2007 at 9:03 pm
@ John Doe:
Don’t you have better things to do than trolling blogs? You see, your bosses at China Trust might fire you already.
August 12th, 2007 at 10:30 am
@ paolomendoza
I went to Commonwealth avenue to see the masterbating man. I wanna help him as you suggested but he said a man named paolo just sucked the hell out of his testicles…ikaw ba un? sabi ko na nga ba…wala kang ginawa kundi bosohan ang mga nagja-jakol na homeless. yan ba ang fetish mo? teka, paolo ka ba o paula? nyahaha
August 12th, 2007 at 8:02 pm
Comments like the one above makes me lose all faith in humanity.
August 13th, 2007 at 3:58 am
@ Ade
Making fun of homeless people makes me lose faith on humanity even more. Instead na kaawaan at ambunan nyo ng inyong biyaya ay pinagtatawanan nyo. You are not on top of the world, nakakaangat lang kayo ng konti akala nyo kung sino na kayo….hay……you filipinos!
August 13th, 2007 at 6:57 am
@John Doe
“You are not on top of the world, nakakaangat lang kayo ng konti akala nyo kung sino na kayo” –> Hilarious! Tapos nka clenched fists ka in sheer disapproval. You are comical genius man..
August 13th, 2007 at 4:01 pm
@ Tj Cafuir
Are you gay?
August 13th, 2007 at 7:54 pm
@John Doe
That’s what your mom asked you!
OOOhhh SNAP!
August 13th, 2007 at 10:13 pm
@ Mike, Ade
Just Look at this poor being. John, how gay is an anonymous comment?
August 14th, 2007 at 4:11 am
@ Mike & TJ
hahahahaha….. TJ & Mike, what is more gay? making anonymous comments or watching homeless people masterbate and actually spend hour writing a blog about it? TJ is even worst, he had to find another homeless person masterbate (which he did) so he can satisfy his fetish….. see ya homeless people’s dick lovers……
August 14th, 2007 at 9:28 pm
Wahaha.. ang jologs mo pre
August 15th, 2007 at 5:14 pm
hahaha…. yan lang ba ang masasabi mo TJ? Ang jologs ko? Bakit buking ba ang sekreto mo? Di ba kabadingan ang tingnan ang isang lalaki na nagjajakol? Wala ka siguro ginawa sa maghapon kundi maghanap ng homeless na nagjajakol nyahahaha
August 16th, 2007 at 12:12 am
You full of nonsense… basahin mo nga posts mo, lahat ng nakakabasa nyan iniisip isa kang tanga. Jologs!
August 18th, 2007 at 6:03 am
Bakla ka talaga TJ. dapat BJ na lang pangalan mo. Kayo ang full of non sense. Pati homeless ginagawaan nyo ng istorya. Ikaw ang tanga! gago pa! May nalalaman ka pang jologs….ikaw ang jologs!
August 20th, 2007 at 8:35 am
are you kidding?
August 20th, 2007 at 6:21 pm
jologs
August 23rd, 2007 at 6:21 pm
Bakla!
August 25th, 2007 at 1:03 am
Funny, funny article. I had a similar experience too - once while I was on my way to the MRT station, I passed by this strange-looking man. He was looking from side to side, checking if anybody could see what his hand was doing to the insides of his pants. It was disgusting.
Oh, and John Doe, stop acting like you’re this know-it-all moralistic asshole. You can’t even spell ‘masturbate’ right.
August 27th, 2007 at 2:42 pm
Uy may nakisali pang Inday. How inday Marie isa ring pervert. Kung alam ko lang nag-finger ka sa banyo nung nakita mo ung nagjajakol. Kesa nakikialam ka sa away ng iba kumuha ka ng talong at ipasok mo dyan sa kiki mong mabaho! Gaga! Kala mo kung sino kang magaling…Peso pa rin ang sweldo mo kaya wag mo akong paandaran!