The fact that “Mike Villar”, “Buffet” and “Free Beer” do not sit well has been well documented in the annals of this blog. I’m serious. So serious in fact, It’s not even funny. I mean it’s the same every time– I attend one of these events and I can’t believe that the food and alcohol is free, so I end up consuming the aforementioned items in an exorbitant fashion.

I could go ahead and say that being in an event with a buffet and free beer is like me being a kid in a candy shop but even that is an inaccurate metaphor being that a kid, no matter how much he’s into candy, does not need it to make him feel happy and generally sexually aggressive. I think “Like a pothead in a marijuana field” works better, except that I already signed an addendum to my contract prohibiting me from writing about marijuana, cocaine, midget prostitutes or any of my other vices for that matter. So no, let’s not go there.

So you could only imagine my inhibition when Riz told me that there’s going to be a second blogger meet up at Taste Asia. But since, I have no real friends and hence nothing better to do on a Thursday night, I decided to go ahead with the TMB crew and just see what happens.

I wish I could come up with a detailed post on what transpired that night but I can’t because as soon as I got in the venue, I’ve kept myself busy with the free-flowing beer and weird, albeit surprisingly strong citrus concoction the waiters were serving. And because I have a small alcohol problem well documented on this site and by National Geographic Film crews, I was pretty much double fisting drinks all night long. I was in cahoots with Taste Asia’s service crew the whole night too since every time I stand up and initiate eye contact with a waiter, he’d nod in acknowledgment and a few seconds later, he’ll bring a bottle of beer and a bottle of weird citrus alcoholic concoction to my table. (This is sort of a lie. In exchange for their excellent service, I gave the head waiter a handjob in one of the cubicles inside the comfort room. Richard, if you’re reading this, consider trimming your pubes. It’s easy, fun and makes your bird look bigger. Trust me on this.)

The rest of the night was spent dicking around over at The Man Blog Table enduring comments like “I don’t think you should mix your drinks Mike” and “I don’t understand why you have to drink two bottles at once, you can like ask another bottle from the waiter anytime” from the females in our party. Suffice it to say, this really pissed me off. As anyone who has any form of addiction (I have a small alcohol problem if you don’t know already) would tell you, there is really nothing more annoying that when somebody calls you out on your alcoholic ways.

So yeah a lot of my time was spent trying to convince everybody that I wasn’t alcoholic. Here’s how it went down.

• “Honestly, I like drinking but I’m not alcoholic [Taking a sip from my beer and my weird citrus concoction]“
• “But I can have fun without drinking [signaling waiter to bring me more alcohol]“
• “Yeah there was this one time when I went 3 months without drinking and it didn’t bother me one bit [pounding fists on table because apparently beer has ran out]
• “So no, I’m not alcoholic at all [Breaking bottles of beer and licking shards from it because they have like beer on them]“

I also had an erection all night because of this guy Chris and his sexy voice. But yeah, my penis is about the size of a light switch so nobody really noticed.

One of the highlights of the night for me came when I decided to take a walk down the parking lot to smoke. So I sat down on the curb right? Dragging a cig, and looking like a crack addict from Tondo; then my blog crush walks in front of me giving me a look of utter disdain.

Great. Just Great. I spent two hours talking to people about how big I am on the Internet and how I will soon build an internet empire and she sees me drunk, sweaty and smoking menthols on a curb. Awesome.

But all in all, I had a great time. I had a blast coming up to random women saying “Excuse me, but are you finishing that?” pointing to their unfinished Tempura. So ya, it was okay.

By the way, it was great meeting the following people:

• Mike Abundo (who doesn’t get it either)
• Gail Villanueva (and her OMGSOCUTSIE dog Shiro)
• Ganns Deen (and his sweater vest that had a “MOM PICK ME UP NOW” button)
• Jayvee Fernandez (who introduced me to the joys of drinking)
• Benj
• Lauren Dado (Who didn’t talk to me at all)
• Sorsi (Who wants to see our birds)
• Rico
• Marc
• Dhon Jason (who took really unflattering pictures of me. Ass.)
• Sasha
• Jenny

And of course the TMB Team:

• Ade
• Fritz
• Bim
• Coco
• Anne
• Liz
• Helga
• Adam
• Jen
• TJ
• Penny

Related Shit:

1. Taste Asia: A story of inebriation and lust Last Tuesday, I invited myself to the Blogger Food Fest held at the SM Mall of Asia where I hobnobbed with other Internet celebrities and blogosphere elites. This particular event was bittersweet for me as it made me realize that I won’t be dropping the “Rising” in my “Rising Internet...
2. Quitting beer, top 5 lies, drunk I’ve done something incredibly horrible over the past few weeks. I tried to stop drinking. Worse, I kept it a secret from you guys. I am not going to regale you with a dramatic story of triumph because the way I used italics several sentences back, It’s obvious that I’ve...
3. A stupid High School Reunion, lust, depression When I attended my High School batch’s 10th year reunion yesterday, I was under the impression that after I get through the entire thing, I’d be able to write a post that would be a funny piece on how to course through the discomfort and awkwardness inherent to occasions involving...
4. A lesson in humility Have you ever had such a shitty week that when you lie in bed at night, you’re seriously toying with the idea of a drastic career change from a sedentary Internet Marketing executive into something more fulfilling like a guy who gives people herpes or someone who gets kicked in...
5. BeerCast: Ang Show na Walang Katulad What happens when you put 5 cases of San Miguel Beer, a group of alcoholic bloggers and a microphone together? Well: A lot of cussing. A lot of racist jokes. A lot of dicking around. Bim, having an emotional breakdown as he regales others with stories of his childhood replete...