This article was originally written for The Man Blog.

Because I am a big fan of rape–especially the rape of little kids, I will be tackling the very sensitive topic of child abuse today. Be warned that this can be a very funny or awkward thing to read depending on whether or not, like me, you were forced by a hairy uncle named Edgar to play “popsicle time” with him when you were a kid.

But face it, sooner or later, we will have to deal with this issue. Our silence and apathy in the past only led to this problem to grow like Ade Magnaye at a McDonald’s with a stack of McChicken discount coupons.

Anyway, this article might strike a nerve as some of you may have been molested when you were kids or maybe even recently, when you passed out at a comfort room inside a Kamayan restaurant. So yeah, I fully understand if you’d rather not read this post. Besides, we don’t need your sort anyway you fucking pussy; seducing older men like myself into betraying our better moral judgment and touching you in your fun zones.

Contrary to popular belief, child molestation is not a prevalent problem because of the aberrant, depraved, and perverted members of society; It’s actually because of the provocative manner the fashion industry is dressing up our children and the way these soft-skinned, sensual kids conduct themselves in public.

Today, we look at how we can fight the urge to kidnap little kids off a school yard and rape them in our vans with a hand-painted picture of Dakota Fanning playing with Rainbow Brite painted on one of its walls.

Stop Going To Mass

Going to mass has this weird effect on men. Sure it does bring us closer to the lord, but it does also make us crave little boys. I don’t know if it’s all the praise songs, the ceremonies, or just the fact that altar boys look so sexy, but regardless, it is in your best interest as a future reformed pedophile to stop any form of church activity if you want to stop conjuring thoughts of getting some ass play from an altar boy atop a belfry.

The longer you continue to enjoy a insidious church lifestyle, the harder it is to break away from the pattern of immoral thoughts and ultimately, you will become like most Catholic priests: Insatiable boy-fucking monsters with perpetual half erections.

Trust me on this, the road to being a heretic is a much safer route for you and children everywhere to take.

Don’t let children play

I think I speak on behalf of everyone that seeing young kids playing in a playground is an open advertisement that they want to be wantonly abused. Anyone who sees a hot little kid playing on a seesaw or a swing in what is seemingly a carefree and innocent manner can’t help but get sexually aroused and get urges to throw a net over the child in question and drag him/her off to a secluded garage to satisfy their carnal desires.

Sure you can say that kids aren’t fully aware of what they’re doing and to that I say–BULLSHIT. These kids know exactly what they’re doing and that is teasing us men by showing off their goods secretly wanting to be kidnapped and sodomized. This has got to stop.

Dress kids up like kids

I said this earlier and I will say it again: The number one reason why kids get raped is because of the clothes they were. Fashion magazines and mass media in general nowadays is dressing up our kids like little crack-addicted whores with their ultra mini skirts and seductive diapers (I’m looking at you EQ).

When I was young, my mom used to dress me up in button downs and khaki pants and little girls were dressed up to be like Julie Andrews in the Sound of Music. Nowadays, parents want to dress up their kids like those filthy hobags Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears.

The worst is when parents dress up their kids in Super Hero costumes. Seriously parents, what are you thinking? You know your kid is going to get fucked a million ways by people with weird fetishes like Bim before he reaches that Swing set.

So parents, do yourselves a favor: stick to the Mickey Mouse shirts and the doll dresses; otherwise, your kids gonna GET RAPED.

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