The Amazing Masturbating Homeless Person

Masturbating Homeless Man On my way to work today, I decided to make a pit stop at the Shell Station on Commonwealth Avenue for some gas and a small convenience store raid. While I was waiting for the gasoline guy to bring me my change, I saw this homeless man sitting on one of the gasoline pump platforms, reading an old tabloid. I lowered my window to get a better look and I realized that he was beating his dick like it owes him money.

This just blew me out of the water. I mean wow, could you honestly think of a better way to start off your day?

(I’m not exactly sure what I mean here. Do I mean that seeing some filthy homeless guy masturbate in the gasoline pump platform not more than six feet away from you is a great way to start your day? Or do I mean that actually sitting on a gasoline pump platform, reading a tabloid and masturbating in plain view is a great way to start your day? I don’t know, I’m confused. Whatev.)

One thing’s for sure though; I’m proud of him. He’s probably thinking to himself “Hey, what the fuck? I’m filthy, I’m hungry and I have no home–but none of that’s going to stop me from whipping out my bird and masturbating to this sexy star on the tabloid I found in a dumpster. I mean, fuck, I don’t even care that there are like 50 people here witnessing me do it. Oh shit, I’m coming! Here’s my rugby-scented load! aaaaarrrrhhhhg”

For this, Mr. Amazing Masturbating Homeless Person, I would’ve given you a high five (but you’re dirty, and duh! you just masturbated!). If all men had your bravery, your strength of mind that enables you to act with the utmost grace under duress, and your propensity to sexually pleasure yourself anywhere and any time you please; the world would be, by a whole lot, a better place. You, sir, are a hero among men.

(And of course, being the douchebag that I am, I showed my delight by applauding after he finishes his business. Sadly, nobody caught up with the slow clapping I initiated and on the contrary, I think other people getting gas were quite weirded out when I did. Assholes.)

FOBCast Episode 2 - I forgot what I was going to say

In this episode of the FOBCast, Marco and I talk about:

Mike’s top 5 tweets
Marco’s top 5 pownce messages
Top 10 Ways to UGLIFY your blog
Our Blog Crushes
Reactions to our FOBCast about the Top 10 Emerging Influential (?) Blogs of 2007.
Why we did it?
Why is there so much profanity?
Why isn’t there enough research?
Why can’t we just all get along?
Our App Picks for the week:
iRedLite
Vista Virtual Desktop Manager