Twitter: [del.icio.us] Anxiety - Lightweight To-do Management http://anxietyapp.com/ 5 hrs ago

The Suckiest Blog Post In The World

Posted on September 25, 2007 
Filed Under Anatomy of a Drunk Man, Daily, Faggotry, Failures

Because I’m lazy and today, easily, is the busiest work day I’ve had the whole year (Read: Offline NBA Fantasy Draft! Huzzah!); I have nothing to offer you guys but a portmanteau post made up of one part depression and one part lust.

Depression

Most of the time, I’m really not sure of anything. I am sure of one thing though: I will have a fucking emotional breakdown in about two days’ time. This is inevitable and I’m pretty much resigned to my fate. I don’t know if I told you guys already, but my psychiatrist decided to cut my anti-depressant and Xanax scripts by half.

Now, I find myself struggling with intense bouts of depression and horribly vivid dreams–dreams which are either extremely terrifying or extremely erotic (these I don’t mind at all). All of these might be just a case of Seasonal Affective Disorder something which isn’t new to me, but I decided to call my shrink anyway just to be sure(and maybe coerce her into writing me new Xanax scripts or something).

But because, like God, my shrink hates me, instead of prescribing more pills, she just went ahead and told me to “Go talk to somebody about it” since she says it just might be work-related stress.

Are you fucking kidding me? What’s so stressful about my work? The two hours I spend on managing my fantasy NBA team? The three hours I spend making personal phone calls to my friends? Or maybe it’s the four hours I spend listening to music everyday? God, give anyone a diploma and a lab coat and they act like they know everything.

I still think it’s Seasonal Affective Disorder. I mean, after all, every Christmas eve, I usually sob uncontrollably, pass out, wake up and realize that I wet my pants, then my slutbag cousin Ella would say something like “That was funny last year, now it’s just disgusting.” and I tell her “Well at least I don’t suck Bisaya cocks for weed money” and then she snaps back with something like “Yeah because you’re a fag, and you do it for free! (Because apparently, in my family, the fact that you never brought home a girl for dinner and the fact that you can speak straight English makes you gay)” Then my mom walks in on us having a fistfight and she cries because we ruined Christmas for her and the kitchen smells like urine.

So again, an emotional breakdown is imminent. I can see myself ungracefully leaving the glamorous world of internet marketing to pursue a life of severe self-discipline and abstention from all forms of indulgence. I’d probably travel the country on foot, haunting Gasoline station restrooms offering oral pleasure to weary travelers for a small fee of 10 pesos. An amount which I will promptly donate to my favorite charity.

THAT or I start picking people off with a sniper rifle from the top of a building in Cubao. If it goes down like this, I just want you to know that the innocent blood spilled would be on your hands Ms. Psychiatrist. Because you were too stupid to just prescribe more drugs to a patient who’s clearly an addict.

Lust

You guys remember The McDonald’s Drive-thru girl I sent an open letter to a couple of month’s ago?

Well I saw her yesterday in the same McDonald’s parking lot toking a cigarette with a guy who’s apparently her boyfriend(they were holding hands).

Well McDonald’s Drive-thru girl, I have nothing to say to you except: I wish you didn’t have a boyfriend. But since you do, I hope he dies. I know it’s mean for me to say that because it’s not like you said “I’d totally fuck you right now, but I have a boyfriend.”

If you had said that, I would most certainly be in the Quezon City Regional Trial Court right now awaiting arraignment for murder.

That is all.


Comments

15 Responses to “The Suckiest Blog Post In The World”

  1. Pau on September 25th, 2007 10:22 pm

    Do I know this Ella?

  2. Mikey on September 25th, 2007 10:26 pm

    You probably saw her before. He’s this gay guy who lived with us for almost fifteen years. His real name is “Peter.”

  3. Ade on September 25th, 2007 11:30 pm

    This Mike character, what a scary.

  4. Jemerine on September 26th, 2007 6:47 am

    LOL NBA Fantasy! Who’s your first pick?

  5. Mikey on September 27th, 2007 2:47 am

    I don’t see what your question has to do with my post. But ya, Jason Kidd if you must know.

  6. liz on September 27th, 2007 7:46 am

    i have a sneaking suspicion that your psychiatrist reads this. if so, you’re fucked, and not the way you want.

  7. Mikey on September 28th, 2007 3:03 am

    Oh look it’s King Arthur! Hey Arty! Wanna pop some X’s? Ya

  8. markofando on October 3rd, 2007 12:35 am

    Want to start your private office arms race right now?

    I just got my own USB rocket launcher :-) Awsome thing.

    Plug into your computer and you got a remote controlled office missile launcher with 360 degrees horizontal and 45 degree vertival rotation with a range of more than 6 meters - which gives you a coverage of 113 square meters round your workplace.
    You can get the gadget here: http://tinyurl.com/2qul3c

    Check out the video they have on the page.

    Cheers

    Marko Fando

  9. dusacidaySnus on October 4th, 2007 9:25 pm

    I’ve got an Amazon gift certificate burning holes in my pocket,
    and I want to get the most bang for my buck.

    Enter the Secret Amazon Web Pages:

    http://tinyurl.com/38sojf

    This is where you’re going to find the “latest sales, rebates, and limited-time offers” from
    Amazon, and you can score some pretty deep discounts if you’re a savvy shopper.

    Next, there’s the special Sale link. This is open every Friday, and ONLY on Fridays.

    You can find the same good discounts here as you would in hidden Deals, although some
    Fridays you can really get lucky and make off like an Amazon bandit - I’ve seen discounts
    there as low as 75% off sticker price.

  10. Mr. Depression, Ms. Shrink and Mr. God (or Alcohol is the shit. or The Whatever Post) : Mike Villar: Rising Internet Star on December 27th, 2007 6:42 pm

    […] written before about how I might have been suffering from a really bad case of Seasonal Affective Disorder. Well, […]

  11. astuce pour gagner au casino on May 3rd, 2008 3:54 am

    regles jeu poker…

    Yet accept credit card payment visa credit card numbers…

  12. seven card stud gratis on May 3rd, 2008 5:22 am

    juego de la ruleta…

    Would You internet gewinnspiele casinos virtuales linea…

  13. card consolidation credit debt debt reducing card credit debt reducing on May 3rd, 2008 10:56 pm

    poker spiel regeln…

    In card consolidation credit debt reduction harveys casino hotel…

  14. tournoi texas holdem on May 28th, 2008 8:05 am

    jouer o poker gratuitement…

    Take jouer au poker on line texas holdem en ligne telecharger jeux poker texas poker en argent virtuel poker online gratuis…

  15. jeu de poker gratuitement on June 2nd, 2008 2:48 pm

    jeux poker…

    Mit salle poker online pc game casino jeux poker acheter jeu de poker poker game…

Leave a Reply