Condo Hunting
Although I didn’t discuss it at length, I mentioned a few posts back that, thanks to stupid motorcycle gangs and bisayas, the embers of my dislike for Fairview, the place I’ve lived in for the past 20 years, have been stoked to a full-blown burning hatred.
Now, recently, I’ve decided that it’s time for me to get my shit together, move out of my parents’ place and start looking for an affordable albeit moderately-luxurious condominium unit within Metro Manila.
And because I work somewhere in the Shaw boulevard area, I could not afford to live anywhere else but within the Ortigas Business District or somewhere not more than a 20-minute drive from it.
In an attempt to write the understatement of the year, I’ll go ahead and say that looking for a decent condominium unit in the Ortigas area is a big, lactating bitch.
It seems like everywhere you look, all you see are ridiculously high prices, weird-ass building locations, shady neighborhoods and money-grubbing realtors who look like they’d gladly stab you in the neck if it means they could get away with your money as quickly as possible.
Also, since every other young professional in Metro Manila wants to live in business districts like Ortigas or Makati, you can take comfort in knowing that while you’re out there beating the pavement, consulting with friends and looking up listings on the internet and the papers, there are literally tens of thousands of people out there doing the same thing and probably doing way better than you are.
This leads to my greatest gripe as far as looking for business district condominiums would go– They are really fucking expensive. But then again what should you expect from a district where parking costs 150 pesos for eight hours, a rice meal 90 pesos and a sloppy blow job from a Bisaya masseuse working for a “garden spa” on Emerald Avenue a whopping 300 pesos.
(The 300 peso blow job led to the argument below between the aforementioned masseuse and someone who asked not to be named because by now, most of his extended family, coworkers and maybe even his boss, reads this blog)
Unnamed Guy: [Putting robe on after getting a massage] So um, how much for…”Extra service?”
Bisaya Masseuse: [In a heavy southern accent] Sorry ser? What you mean? Step on your back?
Unnamed Guy: No, I mean [pointing to the major tenting going on inside his shorts, then to his mouth which has this sucking motion going on]
Bisaya Masseuse: Oh! Bee Jay! 300 pesos for one hour ser!
Unnamed Guy: [surprised] but I don’t need an hour, can I pay you 100 pesos for 20 minutes?
Bisaya Masseuse: No! no! 300 pesos or no Bee Jay!
(By the time the argument ended, the person decided to just go on with it. After all, it was pouring outside and he had nowhere to go. These Bisayas, so business-minded!)
See, a person living in the heart of a business district like Ortigas spends an average of 20,000 Pesos a month renting a decent condo unit. I’m sure there are cheaper places out there but 20,000 bucks is pretty much on the low side.
During my first year out of college, I worked for a BPO company in Eastwood city. Because I lived a good 40 minutes away from my former office, I thought it would be a good idea for me to rent a place near where I worked.
I got a place behind Eastwood (which isn’t that bad. Shut up.) which only cost me like 4,500 pesos a month. The place wasn’t much but it was spacious enough for me and my then girlfriend to live comfortably in. The problem was most of my friends lived in Fairview. So while I saved a ton of money on rent, I spent tons on cab fare, trying (unsuccessfully) to cheat on my girlfriend by trying to hit on girls twice my age in some nondescript city bar and buy them cocktails and pretty much spending most of my newfound wealth on necessities like CD’s, musical instruments and other shiny things that I will invariably lose or pawn eventually.
Add those to the fact that I made a couple of bad investments which pretty much secured my one way ticket to broketown. (And by “Bad investments” I actually mean “humongous gambling debts”)
After my girlfriend left me, I had the apartment to myself and thus began my awesome year of over-eating, getting shit-faced drunk and generally being ignored by members of the opposite sex.
This, my friends, is where you come in. You’re probably saying to yourself “Mikey, why are you so pathetic? Your blog is read by thousands of people everyday from countries on all seven continents. Don’t tell us you’re still trying to turn your situation into something where you could leverage it to solicit pity sex from your female readers. If, to this date, you can’t get even one woman to put your sweaty, micro light switch-sized bird into her love hole, then you’re probably really worse than what you claim you are.”
Like I always do, I’ll completely disregard your statement and instead, beg for your help. If you know of a place that would cost me nothing more than 20,000 pesos a month to own and is somewhere near the Ortigas area, please tell me about it. Seriously, this is important shit people.
Otherwise, don’t be surprised when you see me on the evening news in a courtroom being tried for the “alleged” murder of a bisaya couple in Fairview.
I hope you next time you won’t make it too GENERAL — AS IN BISAYAS, though there are some BISAYA that are like that, it is not MOST of who we are.
You could say, the Bisaya couple in fairview … you could repeat it over and over, because it’s only to them that you are angry …
Just like most men would say when they hear a girl say “MEN are such PLAYBOYS!” – “NOT ALL!”
Weh?
You could say, the Bisaya couple in fairview … you could repeat it over and over, because it’s only to them that you are angry …
?
dont worry junelle, mike just doesnt generalize bisayas, he generalizes ilocanos too and hes part ilocano :/
Also Mike, I emailed you something you might be interested in
I LOL-ed.
Mia, if you’re getting commission for this, forget it. I’d rather live in a cardboard box for the rest of my life than to make your richer.
Helga, you can’t say you LOL-ed and end it with a period! Unless you’re mocking me. Are you mocking me? Guys is she mocking me? I think she is!
Wow.
try calling this number.. it’s somewhere in rosario I think.. 17K, 1 BR, fully furnished.. 09183371929 or check this site http://www.moveinthecity.com/accommodations/transients/transient103876.asp I’m not sure if it’s still available though..
This is too good to be true. Where do I sign my soul off to?
Those curtains are hideous. Try California Garden Square or Greenhills Garden Square.
Hmmm… that post made me feel a little weird. It kind of reminded me how complicated things could unintentionally become.
Our mind is a super sized playground where nobody plays Chinese-garter anymore… tsk tsk…
The URL is my brother’s blog, by the way.
I think, they have to find the best condo, specially in makati,
im just promoting, hehe, anyway, what type of bisaya are they? are they cebuano? hehe