The Guest List: More wedding thoughts
Posted on October 30, 2007
Filed Under Daily, Faggotry, Failures
I’ve been doing a chunk of the work I should be doing today at home over the weekend and the result? I have absolutely nothing to do right now. I have to pass the time. How(aside from the given internet hours I spend on interracial pornography and Harry Potter gay fan fiction)? Why, populating a guest list for my wedding of course!
Yes, I know it makes absolutely no sense to make a guest list for my wedding right now when I should really focus on getting sex first, or trying not to suck so much as a boyfriend first, but just hear me out.
As an addendum to my breakaway hit of a post: The Dip, Marry-ability, at this point in my life, I feel as if everyone around me is either getting married or starting a family. The number of times I’ve thought about my own wedding is well documented in this blog but this, still, totally blows me out of the water. Maybe it’s because of the fact that me and my current girlfriend are pretty much in consensus that marriage is something not in our immediate future yet or maybe it’s the fact that lately, I’ve been feeling like I’m going to make a totally negligent and sucky husband. Last Sunday though, Maffy and I attended a wedding of one of her college friends and I realized something interesting: The last couple of weddings I’ve attended typically have around 200 people as guests–ideally the groom having 100 guests and the bride another 100.
My strategy as far as weddings would go usually would be to get in, congratulate the newly weds with feigned sincerity when deep inside, I’m wishing a painful death upon them, give my gift, pig the fuck out, and get the hell out of there the first chance I get before some stupid show band-type singers start playing songs like Happy by Square Hands and your date obliges you to dance with her–something that you’re really not comfortable doing so you tell her you don’t want to, she gets upset, you get upset, you flip the fuck out and panic; knocking the wedding cake down in the process causing your date to cry because you just ruined her friend’s wedding and her friends will like stop being friends with her because her sweaty fat date wearing an awkwardly over-sized barong ruined the newly-wed’s special day. Whatever.
But since it’s my first time meeting my girlfriend’s college friends, I decided to bear through the entire wedding ceremony and the reception. You know how people get in weddings: They’re all like “Well MY wedding is going to be better.” or “On MY wedding, it’s not going to be THIS traditional.” or even “On MY wedding, I’m not going to invite THIS much people.”
Anyway, my initial reaction was “200 guests? What the fuck?” My next reaction was “I don’t think 100 guests would be enough.” Then I just thought “Fuck it” and started scribbling names on a piece of paper. And let me tell you, It’s a very challenging and interesting exercise because, in essence, you get to rate your friends. When I write names I think something along the lines of :
“Well Marc and I had a lot of a awesome times over the years, but I’ve never really spoken to him since he snitched on me for taking two hour lunches and sleeping an average of three hours a day at work.
BUT, he’s doing really well for himself so I could imagine him giving me a pretty expensive gift. But he’s a douchebag and I’m still sore at him. [Puts “Shortlisted” in parentheses beside his name]”
My biggest complaint about the entire 200-guest average is that 100 guests for me would never cut it. My Ilocano heritage makes sure of that and even though I only have one brother, my mom is one of 9 kids and my dad is one of five. So, by my rough estimate, I’d easily have over 250 family members I would invite to my wedding. This doesn’t even include any of my friends yet, something that I don’t have a lot of anyway, but yeah.
The good news is that when I DO get married, I imagine most of my future bride’s family will beg off because they will have bureaucratic problems processing their documents from Croatia so my bride will only have her slow, retarded sister and the two girls she works with at the Health and Beauty Section over at SM Fairview as guests.
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Mike "Fucking" Villar
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"The personal blog of Marketing Strategist, Rising Internet Star, Man Blog editor, child pornographer, alcoholic, and cokehead-- Douchebag Jones--Err, Mike Villar!
I’m wondering why you singled out Marc. Hm.
Well, I could’ve cited you as an example, but I really do not need to think about whether or not I should invite you to my wedding.
I won’t. Because you’re a suck.
OK now I’m thinking of my own list. We’re too young for this!
Why don’t we cut each other a deal? Don’t invite me to your wedding, I won’t invite you to mine. Less hassle! More fun!
I thought I’d remind you that you were invited to my wedding.
I’m just sayin’.
No. You don’t know me.
But…
I’m soooo much fun at a wedding, dude. I’m the one that everyone wants to dance with, the chick the women want to hang with. I give great gifts too!
Think about it.
Pau, you’re invited. Not because I like you or anything, you’re just invited by default.
Jali, I hate you already.
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