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Sexual Partners: The Magic Number

Posted on March 6, 2008 
Filed Under Daily, Faggotry

A friend recently asked me over beers if there’s a specific threshold that a woman needs to pass, in terms of the number of sexual partners she’s had, for me to say “woah there, there’s no chance in hell that you and I are going to work out!”

(Of course we all know this question, when addressed to me, is pointless because I’m pretty much going to sleep with anyone regardless of their age, gender, financial standing, let alone the number of sexual partners they’ve had.)

But yeah, guys generally are sensitive about their girl’s former sexual partners–guys who aren’t are either, good-looking, rich or just glad they’re getting some action.

As far as I’m concerned, I don’t really care much as long as the girl I’m dating didn’t do it with someone famous, someone I absolutely loathe or someone whom I consider to be a close friend (Again, low self-esteem here). Most of the time, I manage, because let’s face it, my moral compass as far as sexual conduct would go doesn’t really point true north. I just think “Hey man, no matter how you think about all the crazy shit she’s done in the past, you’ve probably done much worse. Remember Baguio in 1998? Does the El Cielito Inn, four underage girls who can’t speak Filipino nor English and six thousand Pesos sound familiar?”

So yeah, as far as numbers would go, I’d much rather remain ignorant to the number of men the girl I’m dating has slept with.

BUT when asked, I can’t help but be honest. After all, I don’t think seven sexual partners in my 26 years of existence is such a bad number. Why?

It tells her that I am not too inexperienced. Think about it, it’s kind of weird for a woman to feel like her performance in bed is perpetually going to be compared to the three other women you made love to in the past ten years or so. So yes, in this case, getting around a bit is not necessarily a bad thing. Who agrees with me? HIGH FIVE!

Also,

It tells her that you are not too experienced. Having had seven sexual partners tells your girl that you have enough experience but not too much that you’d have weird fetishes and you’d end up asking her if you can have sex with her ear in the middle of a lovemaking session.

But I don’t know, come to think of it, a girl’s answer to the same question could lead to some pretty harsh judgments from me.

Say for instance, if a girl’s answer is in the five-guy range, she better be super fucktastic. Like super fucktastic that on Christmas, I’d expect her and her hot co-worker from accounting to surprise me with a box of donuts and a really intense, alternating fellatio session.

When we’re talking about something in the ten-guy range, she’d better be Jessica Alba, Marian Rivera or Kim Chiu; otherwise I don’t think it’s going to work out.

Finally, if we’re hearing something in the twelve to fifteen-guy range–I don’t think it can work out.

Well I guess it can, but it will take a lot of alcohol, and maybe an STD test.

I don’t know. Whatev. What do you guys think?

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