The Banana Gangbang Rock Festival: Coming in your pussy ears
Okay, so I have been playing gigs with my current band for over seven years now and, over that span of time, we’ve amassed a collective experience that runs the gamut of playing for audiences that consist of rich, giddy and rebellious college chicks willing to suck quasi-rockstar dick just to “stick it” to daddy because he won’t buy her the new car she wants to drunk, barriotic baby boomers yelling expletives at us, demanding that we play something from the Scorpions in provincial Fiestas.
But you know what is a first for me? Playing live in front of people who actually know me–playing live in front of people who know me as a Rising Internet Star. Who likes to fuck himself up.
Now, this is what the Banana Gangbang Rock Festival is to me. My mission: To play at least one song that would make these people uncomfortable as possible and leave them with a feeling of intense chagrin and awkwardness.
What do I have so far? Well, I am inclined to go with Sarah McLachlan’s Angel and if that doesn’t work, I would have our unreleased original song My penis (The pencil of love). And if that doesn’t work, I’d probably rock out on top of a table, whip out my birdie (or coax it out of my abdomen where it has burrowed itself into due to intense embarrassment) and start a lengthy session of self-love.
But I’m going to put all my chips forward and bet that Angel would do the trick. Nothing and, I say again, NOTHING will instill discomfort into a room full of family and friends than a song about suicide through drug overdose.
Imagine: a bar packed with family and friends, me as the lead singer coming up on stage and saying “Are you fucking pussy faggot maggot breaths ready to ROCK or what?! I can’t fucking hear you! Okay, let’s fucking do this shit!” then bust out that familiar piano riff and go all “Spend all my time waiting, for that second chance, for the break that would make it okay…” in a girly voice.
Oro.
Anyway, if the idea of me embarrassing myself in front of family and friends isn’t enough to sell you on the idea, then maybe the fact that some of the biggest names in the local blogging scene are playing on the festival will. I mean do you even know who Lauren Dado, Mike “Fucking” Villar, Marco “The Site Guy” Palinar, and Ade Magnaye are? Where the fuck’s your blog again? How many daily unique visitors do you have again? Exactly.
So yeah, Bela Bar over at Wilson St. Greenhills. Be there.
Remember, Mike Villar holds grudges like a motherfucker. Just saying.
Not THAT’S a FTMFW plug! w00t! Let’s do this shit!
Best. BGRF Plug. Ever. *bows*
First time you made me laugh in months! congrats
You listen to Kjwan.
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