Sometimes I overdo this humor thing

Allow me to illustrate: Last night, I was having dinner with my company’s CEO along with 30 some odd managers from different departments. So the CEO was going from table to table talking to everybody and, when he reached the table where I and the company’s marketing managers were, the arbitrary topic of discussion was “shit you were into when you were young.”

Since he was a pretty cool guy, everybody was shooting the shit with him and telling him stuff from “drawing” to “building shit with lego blocks”, I, on the other hand was frantically trying to think of something to say that jumps out of the page whenever he looks back at all the people he met in Manila, contemplating on who to promote.

I was thinking along the lines of “Business Analysis” and “Requirements Elicitation” even though I knew that saying those would be the grand douchebag thing to do.

So, I decided to resort to something I thought I was good at–telling jokes.

“Well” I said. “I was really into dolls growing up.” [mimicking playing with a doll. Moving imaginary appendages with my fingers.]

Dolls?

Really Mike?

Dolls?

Read more

FOBCast 7 - Constipated

In this show we talk about:

Shit we spent our money on this week:
 
icon for podpress  Standard Podcast: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Mike Villar: Now Healthy as a battleship!

Okay, so I think I might’ve suffered a mild stroke early last week and because I think, that after the terrible bouts of depression and intense episodes of panic attacks I went through almost two years ago, I developed some form of hypochondria or cyberchondria, I’ve been seeing my doctor a lot lately.

When I learned that my doctor was opening up a clinic in a nearby teaching hospital, I almost felt compelled to rent an apartment in the area just so I can assuage all my fears and I can easily be transported to the emergency room in case anything does happen to me (I don’t know–Poisoned because I tried to mix Lysol with my Gran Matador? Choked because I tried to cram a deck of cards down my throat on a drunken dare? Whatever.)

Now, besides the fact that my doctor is the best cardiologist in the country, I particularly like seeing my doctor because his medical directorship in the teaching hospital I go to means that he has a corps of hot female residents sitting in with him while he does clinic.

Read more

Three things I learned about myself last week (Bicol Edition)

I developed a retarded fear of flying. I’ve traveled many times on a plane before but never did I develop a paralyzing fear of flying until last week, after my trip to Bicol with Marc, Riz, Ely, Alvin, Rico, Francis and other USAP Marketing Managers. 

The morning we’re supposed to fly back to manila, we all took a Cebu Pacific flight from Legazpi and I, as usual, was violently hungover - I had saliva and beer encrusted on the edges of my mouth, and was practically shivering like a motherfucker as all the Gran Matador I so ungraciously imbibed the night before waltzed around my arteries.

I was still wearing the board shorts and hoodie I wore the night before and I looked, not surprisingly, like a homeless person–or more like a homeless person who had just got kicked the shit out of by a gang of Bicolano youth who belong to True Brown Style’s Legazpi Chapter with 2×4’s and chains.

Anyway, the flight, although only thirty minutes long, was probably one of the most turbulent plane rides I’ve ever been on in my entire life. The plane was diving and falling the entire time and, as I leaned back on my seat, barf bag in hand, crotch on the other, I thought about all the girls I didn’t make out with, all the deviant sexual activities I didn’t engage in and was making a list of things to do should I survive the ordeal (On the top of my list was “Verbally abuse an old woman”, “Print a hundred copies of a document with nothing on it but ‘[Name of someone from work whom I hate] smells like dried fish and looks like a harpy’ in big bold letters and place a copy on everyone’s desks”, and “eat an entire Shakey’s grand slam pizza in one sitting.”)

Now from that flight on, I shall be abnormally afraid of flying. Also, the fact that I suffered a minor stroke as soon as I landed in Manila will do nothing but to reinforce this fear.

I have a retarded fear of storms. During our visit to Sorsogon, the waves on the beach were frighteningly savage. I have no idea whether or not this is normal, but my mom sent me a text message asking me how I was and how the weather was because the north is being buttsecksed by a devastating storm.

I knew I was in the south but when you’re as panicky as I am, it wouldn’t matter and the only thing that’s gonnao go through your head is “getting hit in the head by a stray monobloc chair because you ran out in the open in the middle of a storm to find the plate of Bicol Express you left behind is a terrible way to go.”

Yeah.

Read more

A monster 84-step guide to having awesome breakups!

 

The Gentleman\'s guide to breakups 

Over at The Man Blog, we have written enough material on picking up women, dating and relationships to make tomes that can fill entire library wings.

What we haven’t had the chance to write about, and something we’ve been feeling remiss about, are breakups.

I mean all of us, at one point or another, will go through breakups. It’s simply one of those inevitable things in life–like getting born and going through…a breakup.

When the wheels of a relationship come off, there’s usually not a lot either party can do but attempt to move on with as less pain as possible and hope for the best.

Or they could turn those frowns upside down into evil, weird-looking smirks and use this guide to get the most fun out of breakups and make it a really awesome experience instead! So, if you’re ready, take the amulet key hanging from your neck and insert it in the slot in front of you.

Read more

Next Page →