Gym, gym bag, leather gym bag!
Posted on January 2, 2008
Filed Under Daily, Failures, Gluttony
Because my family is made up of degenerate drunks and gluttons, my weight has blown up to, unprecedentedly, somewhere around the neighborhood of 205 pounds over the Holidays.
And because I feel like all the binge eating and drinking has taken a serious toll on my health, I am seriously contemplating whether or not I should start going to the gym seriously.
This contemplation is compounded further by the fact that I want to enroll myself to a gym for the wrong reason: the awesometastic gym bag they are giving away.
I mean, I’ve gone to the gym last year sporadically and for years, I’ve resisted working out seriously for no reason at all other than monetary. The membership in the gym I’m looking at costs somewhere around 2,300 pesos a month which is like 28,000 pesos a year. If we factor in my laziness to that number, we’re looking at 28,000 pesos a visit because if I know myself well enough, I’m going to end up paying the annual gym membership and working out only once or twice in the span of one year.
But like most of the unnecessary purchases I’ve made over the years, cost takes a back seat to the cool factor the purchase is going to add to my everyday conversations.
Conversation 1:
Girl: “Do you go to the gym?”
Old response: “[Manic laughter], wait you’re not serious are you?”
New response: “Why yes.”
Conversation 2:
Girl: “So where do you work out?”
Old response: “What did I do to you? And why are you intentionally destroying my self esteem?”
New Response: “Why, in Fitness First of course.”
Conversation 3:
Girl: “So, do you work out often?”
Old response: “[Crying] here take my wallet. In fact, take everything! [runs away]”
New response: “Once or twice. A year.”
And the free awesometastic bag? Let’s just put it this way: I feel like a homeless person everytime I try to go to the gym with the leather convention kit bag I carry around; the one that has Philippine Heart Association printed in big bold letters on the side. The look of condescension people with stylishly hip gym bags give me everytime I bring out my gym gear and the recycled bottles of C2 I fill with water from the aforementioned bag are so intense, I could almost reach out and touch it with my hand.
As a man used to receiving pity looks, from women no less, trust me when I say that there is no better woman repellant in the gym than a totally uncool gym bag. The girl on the treadmill is all smiles until I dump all my gym gear on the floor from my seven year old, leather, makeshift gym bag. (But then again, the look of disgust on her face may not be because of my gym bag but rather because of the fact that I have my lips pursed and my arms out as if holding an invisible body and humping it as fast as physically possible. Whurrever.)
Anyway, who the fuck cares about women who go to the gym anyway? The fact that she goes to the gym just means she’s a harpy and a whore! My Ex-girlfriend went to the gym and she cheated on me a lot! Not that it matters because I don’t talk to girls anyway. Unless you count sending messages to random girls in MySpace. I should probably stop writing now.
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Mike "Fucking" Villar
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"The personal blog of Marketing Strategist, Rising Internet Star, Man Blog editor, child pornographer, alcoholic, and cokehead-- Douchebag Jones--Err, Mike Villar! -
Mike, toting his Fitness First gym bag: *smug smug smug*
Helga: Uy. San mo nabili yan?
Ano beh! Edi sa SM!
Kala ko sa Greenhills.
Yuck. Di kaya ako bumibili sa Greenhills. Tingin mo sakin mahirap?
So di ka pumupunta Divi?
San yun?
Saan pa, e di katabi ng ref.
Aba pilosopo ka ah!
I have a friend who works at TeleTech. One of the benefits is a membership at Gold’s. The great thing about it is he can enroll people under his name. I’m one of those dependents (parasites). I only pay 800/mo and I can work out in all branches. hehe
My company has its own gym and I use it for free. It’s weird… now that I don’t pay for it, I go almost every weekday. But I’m sure that if I have to fork out half of the contents of my wallet every month, I’d never go. Humans are weird.
[...] remember when I blogged about how I wanted to get a gym membership just because I liked the gym bag that comes with it? How about that short-lived diet I had going [...]
SOG knives…
Interesting ideas… I wonder how the Hollywood media would portray this?…
[...] remember when I blogged about how I wanted to get a gym membership just because I liked the gym bag that comes with it? How about that short-lived diet I had going [...]