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Candles, incense, a homosexual and an epiphany (of sorts)

Posted on July 10, 2008 
Filed Under Faggotry

Last night found me with lit candles and incense in my newly-decorated room while reading and drinking some leftover rum I found in the kitchen. Friends, this is what Mike “Fucking” Villar does sometimes to unwind. And really, can you think of better things than cheap liquor, a book, pleasant scents emanating from burning things and the sound of an infant’s acute distress and suffering to alleviate a week’s worth of work-related stress? Exactly.

And yes, I realize that this could be the start of a long, downward spiral into an empty, hedonistic existence. Or maybe I’m just really weird or maybe sexually confused or something. I don’t know.

I also know that, to you, this sounds really fucking weird and trust me, it is. I mean, a 26-year old man locking himself up in his room with candles and incense while reading books and sipping rum is not exactly considered “normal” or even “remotely heterosexual” in most cultures, but I feel relaxed when I do this so fuck off and judge me all you want but ask yourself this question when you do—Did I ever judge you? Even after I accidentally ran into you SM Megamall’s lingerie section sniffing sports bras? Thank you.

Anyway, last night, I ended up reading David Sedaris’ Holidays on ice. Now, David, admittedly, is one of my favorite authors and one of the few openly gay people I genuinely respect. However, upon perusing about twenty pages of Holidays on ice, all the fuss surrounding it wasn’t readily clear to me.

Of course, probably one reason for me not getting it is that my mind was muddled with envy.

As with most “Web” guys, I am envious of and hate everyone who are relatively more successful than I am especially if their success allows them to be famous, write a book, be free of any form of debt or bang attractive women (or in David’s case, men?) left and right.

The book was recommended to me by someone whose literary taste I consider impeccable so I continued reading it anyway.

It was actually a short read (the book only has 144 pages) and I was able to finish the entire thing in under four hours. Surprisingly, towards the middle, I found myself not able to at all times and the other did sorties to alternately pick up the plastic tumbler into which I poured the rum and bring it to my mouth or down my pants to touch my bird and mildly pleasure myself.

The impact it had on me was astounding. The stories, which I am not even going to write synopses of lest I ruin it for you, were so succinctly captivating and addictive that there were times that I wanted to cut off my tongue, shave off my lips and chop off my fingers because, perhaps, I realized that nothing I could say or write would ever be as entertaining.

BUT instead of casting a looming shadow of doubt upon me and my ability, it made me want to change for the better. At that point, I usually would be depressed but for some reason, I found myself in contemplative reverie. I put the book down on the table beside my bed; whipped out my Macbook and played some songs. And I just sat there, listening to shit, drinking and thinking for the next hour or so just staring into space.

I really don’t have a lot of deep, meditative moments like this and after I snapped out of it, I was back on the internet, dicking around with Plurk and watching clips entitled “Vergin pa si inday” on iyottube.com and, at this juncture, I can readily say that I was really fucking drunk.

But, you know what? Besides the wistful buzz rum brought me, I think I had a brief epiphany there. It came right about iTunes played Radiohead’s All I need which is absolutely fucking beautiful too.

I am not going to attempt to explain what my epiphany was all about or what the fuck just happened in that little room that, after everything, smelled like a 102 year-old Chinese man’s burning pubes, but think of it this way—that’s what this epiphany shit is all about.

It’s abstract, it’s abstruse and it defies all definition. But I do know that it was good. And I felt like I’ve got everything figured out.

First order of things is to start blogging more actively again. And I so fucking feel like nothing could stop me right now. Except maybe a huge-ass dog or the legal system. Whutev.


Comments

4 Responses to “Candles, incense, a homosexual and an epiphany (of sorts)”

  1. CM on July 10th, 2008 2:59 am

    After complaining about non-personal posts scattered like mud all over blogosphere, you wrote a painfully impersonal post about a book that you’ve read and left me high and dry over your unexplained epiphany? I call shenaniganz.

  2. Mikey on July 10th, 2008 3:27 am

    IMPERSONAL? I had a deep, personal realization and you call it–well you’re a woman.

  3. jayvee f. on July 10th, 2008 8:42 am

    Sedaris is a good writer. I have 2 of his books (Me talk pretty… and Dress your family..) and his live show at Carnegie Hall on audiobook!

  4. Mikey on July 10th, 2008 9:06 am

    He signed my Me Talk pretty book with “Bawal Umihi Dito” cool guy this sedaris

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