Because I live like 400 miles away from civilization and have a bladder of an infant, everyday, I routinely have these gasoline station/convenience store pit stops on my way to work to both empty my bladder and grab a cold beverage or a light snack.

The usual place I do all of these is a Caltex Star Mart on C5 (Yes; if you really want to catch me, I mean to collect on my debts to you or what not, I’m the grumpy guy who usually grabs a C2 Green and pesters the attendant to put “more motherfucking mustard” on my German frank around 11am everyday) And, almost every day, I usually see a girl on one of the little coffee tables they have on the store with her laptop in front of her sipping a small cup of latte.

If I were to wager a guess, I’d say she’s around 24 years old. She’s around 5′3″ tall, always wears those corporate-y black stretchy pants; she sort of looks like that whore bitch girlfriend character from Cloverfield only a little more chubby.

Upon seeing her the first time a couple of weeks ago, I immediately found her attractive–but not attractive enough to be my type. If you’ve been reading this blog long enough, you’d know that I’m not into strong-featured, model-looking, corporate-type white girls. I’m more into wash and wear, mocha-colored chicks like this one.

Besides, who the hell spends her mornings in gasoline station convenience stores to “be seen” with her Macbook pro and her cheap latte? eww.

However, when you see the same, moderately attractive girl almost every day on your way to work, you develop this familiarness and come to expect some sort of corteous amity with her.

So, a week ago, after almost a week and a half of regularly seeing this girl on my way to work, I decided to try and give her a smile and a nod in greeting. I mean, afterall, we’ve been exchanging quick, awkward eye contact for quite a while now so I thought smiling and nodding would be the next logical step. Again, just so we are clear here (and by ‘we’ I actually mean ‘my girlfriend and I’), although I find this girl attractive and would definitely give her some wild penis love action (She’s female. She’s alive–the only criteria I have in terms of choosing my sexual partners) under different circumstances, I would never come up to her to flirt or anything. She is just not my type and by smiling and nodding, I was just trying to be friendly.

So went ahead and gave her my best “I’m not a sexual predator (I just look it) and I really just want to say Good day to you” smile and a nod. She looked up, established eye contact with me like she usually does, only this time it was more awkward and shorter.

It’s cool. Maybe she just wasn’t in the best of moods.

The day after that, I saw her again and as I approached the cold beverages section where the table she usually occupies is close to–warm smile and nod ready to fire–she did not even look up at me. It’s all good. Maybe she was busy.

This week, I’ve seen her twice and never did she look up at me and made eye contact like she used to–ever since I tried to smile and nod at her.

Fine.

Darling, I apologize. Trust me when I say that I will no longer show any signs of amiability towards you. What I will do instead is to hiss at you whenever I grab my bottled iced tea and who knows, because you’ve offended me, I might even spit at your shoes.

I’m sorry that I’ve made you feel awkward by being friendly and I’m sorry that my smile is enough to make you feel some kind of muted dread and fear that I might actually come up and talk to you.

Guess what though? Tomorrow, I will come up to you and tell you that I was smiling and nodding at you because some people actually like being friendly and not because I constantly use you as masturbatory fodder and I “accidentally” saw your mobile number on the brown notebook you always keep open on your table.

You fucking harpy.

(Also, I masturbated to you once. And the number I saw? Not sure if that’s even yours)

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