Mike Villar: Rising Internet Star

Okay, so I got a “trim” from my favorite barber in the mall yesterday and, I didn’t notice this when I was checking my newly-done hair out in front of the barber shop’s mirror, but it seems like the guy who did my hair missed a spot on the right side of my head just above my ear. Now, I have a weird-ass patch of uncut hair that sticks out in that area.

I guess this is what you get for frequenting a barbershop that offers 70-peso haircuts. I don’t really care much about it though. I mean, besides the fact that my hairline’s receding anyway and the fact that the fucking fabric monstrosity that is my hair grows an astounding 2-inches per minute, I never wanted to be that guy who spends more than 100 pesos for a haircut and wears nauseating amounts of product to set his hair.

(If you fit any of the criteria I’ve highlighted above, then I’m sorry. I don’t think we can continue to be friends. Also, if you have man bangs or highlights and you consider yourself to be straight, I strongly feel that someone should take you into an empty warehouse and beat you within an inch of your life with a sock filled with a bar of soap and metal washers. After which, a pack of rabid, angry dogs should be let loose upon you and take turns urinating in your hair only to be called off only after you realize how retarded you look with your man bangs and highlights.)

I’m a little frustrated though. I mean, I’ve sported a generic-looking cropped haircut since way back in high school and I don’t see how hard it is for any barber to get it right.

There was actually a time when getting my haircuts were less complicated than this. When I was younger, I had one of my mom’s friend come over to the house to give me haircuts every time I feel like I need one. Unfortunately, she, “stopped being friends” with my mom. I’m not sure exactly how this happened but it might be because I kept biting my lip while she cuts my hair and kept on saying things in a deep sensual voice like “Tite Josie, do you touch Tito Romy’s hair like that too? Just asking. Your touch seems like something any man would enjoy” and “Your hands smell divine, if it’s not asking too much, I was wondering if I can smell other parts of your body too. Ideally somewhere around your inner thigh”

God, I miss Tita Josie. More importantly, I miss having an even haircut.

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