Halloween, Backstreetboys

This post is dedicated to Halloween party hosts whose parties I ditched for intimate nights with my Xbox 360 and beer by myself. Just so we’re clear here guys, I have nothing against you. It’s just that, you see, I have this thing against Halloween and anything that has ghouls and ghosts as its theme.

Story time: When I was a boy of around thirteen, back when I was a high school sophomore, my class was supposed to do a dance number for the school’s annual foundation day. For the show, we were all supposed to dress up as vampires and do a dance number loosely based on The Backstreet Boys’ Everybody. (The Backstreet boys were pretty big when I was in High School and all the cool cats listened to their songs and shit so please don’t judge me.)

(Additional parenthesesed note: Mike Villar has the distinction of putting up the first Filipino Backstreet Boys fan site back in 1995. Again, do not judge me.)

So every afternoon after school, me and my group mates convened in our group leader’s house near school to rehearse. But, being a total pussy and slightly effeminate, I avoided watching the recorded video like I avoided sending Facebook messages to women I know–or barely know to solicit sex. (wait)

A week before the actual presentation though, I realized that I had to buck up, cast my fears aside and watch the video with the group. So, I acted like a total bad ass and decided to watch the entire video–bad idea; I haven’t had a peaceful night’s sleep ever since. That final scene with the driver’s face decomposing fucked me up really good.

This, my friends, explains my aversion to Halloween. However, even though I do not enjoy Halloween per se. I do enjoy observing people who participate in (non-scary) costume parties.

For instance, I particularly enjoy watching women who dress up like degenerate sluts on Halloween. I mean, when I was younger, the girls in Halloween parties I attended kept it really simple with costumes like angels, devils, witches, Pilita Corrales, etc. Nowadays though, it seems as if society has this predilection for dressing up women with the skankiest garb for Halloween. For instance: I was in Serendra with the girlfriend and I swear to God, if I could get a blowjob for every woman I saw with a costume that conveniently draws the attention of every men within a 10-yard radius towards the wearer’s boobular region, my bird would probably be badly chafed if it hasn’t already fallen off by now.

This blows me out of the fucking water. Think about it, Halloween is actually the last you’ll probably ever see women clothed so skankily. I mean every guy out there probably loves summer because you see women doing away with jackets and sweats from the cold, rainy season and instead going with shorts, mini skirts and tank tops. All summer long we men enjoy ogling at your magnificent bodies* (boobs) burning everything into memory for furious fap sessions because we all know that once rainy season hits, we shall again be deprived of these gorgeous view.

*Except fat chicks. Absolutely no fat chicks please.

So yeah, for me, Halloween is the last hurrah as far as ogling and generally being a pervert would go. I know that a couple of weeks later, all you girls are going to be wrapped up again in sweaters and jackets. So thank you. Thanks to all the women who wore skimpy Halloween costumes especially those who made sure that you showed off more skin than necessary. It’s going to be tough, but I am optimistic that all the fap-worthy images of you I burned into my head will get me through the drought that is the Christmas season.

Tags: costume, funny, halloween, sex