When I finally put up my own company…(A message to IT Administrators everywhere)

• My workforce would be comprised purely of humanoid robots.
• Specifically those that resemble a female human with 36c breasts and blond hair capable of performing fellatio and maybe a bit of sexy dancing.
• These robots would be productive 100% all the time–I will mandate that each and every one of them are to log in and out of work on time, including lunch and coffee breaks and none of them will ever complain! None!
• You know what, now that I think of it, I’ll probably outsource robots from third world countries. I heard robots cost really cheap over there–like less than $20,000 a year or something.
• And because they cost cheap, I will assume that they never get bored, wont demand fair benefits nor would they have any need to surf the net to go on Facebook or Twitter. They’re from the third world for Christ’s sakes!
• And because I’m smart enough to hire 100% efficient robots who would willingly drudge in salt mines should I desire it, I don’t have to worry about my company’s network getting congested because of traffic to social sites–a problem I would definitely have had I chosen to hire human workers. Now, my call center agents, who’re also robots, wouldn’t have to deal with callers who complain about how “choppy” the VOIP connection is.

…If I was the CEO of my own company. But for now I have to live with the fact that I am but a program manager encumbered with the fact that I live in a country where most system administrators have a reactive thought process in dealing with IT-related problems.

What do you mean you can’t access your email? Oh I know, let’s reformat your hard drive and do a fresh Windows XP install! Bam! Problem solved!

A virus threat?! OMG! Let’s disable WiFi access on all laptops in the network! THEN do a fresh Windows XP install! Bam! Probllem solved!

Is the Internet slow during office hours? Why, let’s indiscriminately block half of the sites our employees access! Bam! Problem solved!

The usual IT scapegoats in almost all network congestion problems seem to be social sites like Facebook, MySpace and their ilk. This is fine–In an assembly line. What IT departments in most companies, especially those who are marketing-driven, fail to take into consideration when doing their capacity planning is that the underpinnings of successful employees are creativity and innovation–hallmarks which a restrictive IT environment fails to and will fail to cultivate.

Some system administrators and upper management types might argue that creating a restrictive IT environment is necessary to sustain productivity.

Well guess what, You’re wrong.

According to a recent report, an employee’s inability to access these same websites you block could also lead to a drop in productivity.

a takeaway from the report:

The report concludes with a note of caution and some practical advice with regards to developing a frame work for a responsible and prosperous network. This should be a group in which its citizens respect the power and realise the mutual benefit of giving and taking. Businesses should consider the following guidelines when auditing and analysing their own networks:

1. Do not separate ‘social’ networking from ‘professional’ networking. Attempts to control employees’ use of social networking software in the office may end up damaging the organization in the long run by depleting its network capital

2. There should be value placed on networks with people outside the firm. Too often, it is only senior staff who are encouraged to build relationships with people outside the organization. The power of horizontal networks across organisational boundaries is clear, and growing

3. Keep in touch with employees that have left the organisation. The temptation during a difficult economic climate is to hunker down; but this risks cutting off flows of network capital. Companies should consider how to keep former employees in the network

4. Do not police networks but consider how they operate and what could be improved. This should be a first step towards collective conversations about the ‘rules of the game’ when it comes to operating within networks

These are things the most successful marketing-driven companies like Zappos (who list Creating Fun and A Little Weirdness and Being Passionate and Determined as two of their core values) realize.

Also, In an HR-retention perspective, keeping top talent means giving them the easel and the canvas to tap into their creativity; an effort which would ultimately translate into new business opportunities.

I for one wouldn’t be too happy if I have spent months researching on how Twitter, Facebook or social media in general could be leveraged as a PR/Marketing tool for the company and one day I come in and see that my access to these sites has been blocked.

So yes Mr. IT Administrator/Upper Management guy, if you’re even thinking of blocking access to social sites, I suggest you think about getting more bandwidth first. Or hire robots.

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Mikey does Marketing for US Auto Parts, a publicly-traded, Internet 500 top retailer. He is NOT a robot. nor are his brilliant coworkers.

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