Mike Villar: Rising Internet Star

As we continue to celebrate Restroom McNinja Awesomery Month here at mikevillar.com [1][2], I would like to tell you this funny thing that happened to me last weekend. Also, I lied. there’s no such thing as Restroom McNinja Awesomery month. I just couldn’t think of a better intro. Let alone, a good segue from that horrible intro you just read to my main point. Maybe I could jus—

Last Saturday, I went out for drinks with a few friends from the office. Nothing weird or different there, maybe except for the fact that I was feeling a little under the weather and was in pretty bad shape for a self-proclaimed alcohologist who’s had only three bottles of beer at 10pm on a weekend.

The reason why I wasn’t feeling so good, I believe, was because I had one too many bottles of beer with the fiancee the night before and was a little hungover. It didn’t help that when I woke up that morning, I went through my hungover morning ritual that involves a furious, 15 minute masturbation session, leftover adobo, some pan de sal and a 1.5 liter bottle of soda. The sleep I had the night before was spasmodic and uncomfortable.

So yeah, to recap: prior to coming for work that day, I was already hungover, my stomach was fucked up and had close to zero sleep.

On top of that, the bar we went to was pretty thronged, hot and generally uncomfortable. If you know me, you’d know that my body does not take heat very well (Especially during the times I forget to stuff my armpits with table napkins. Man, you should really see those pit stains)

I remember being a little PO’d at that point in the evening. I started to feel nauseous because of the heat and, was sweating lke a Hyberabad man in a sauna that’s cranked up to 11.

When I get this uncomfortable, I usually stay in my little corner where I generally don’t talk to anyone, and drink my face off. But really, I didn’t want to ruin the evening for myself.

So, what I did to cope was go to the restroom periodically to splash my face with water and retouch (what, and you’re so manly?)

Now the bar only had two restrooms–one for men and one for the ladies situated right beside each other so people who are waiting in line to use them, whether they’re male or female are in the same line.

As I entered the male restroom during one of my trips, a middle-aged man went in with me much to the shock of the people who were waiting in line and my muted chagrin.

“Kid, can we like go at the same time? I can’t hold this in anymore?” He said.

“No shit? You’re already in here with me” I thought to myself but ended up saying “Sure! No problem” with the chipperness and pitch akin to that of a prepubescent schoolboy.

So we went. Together. He in the toilet, and I in the urinal.

Now, let’s move on to the lesson I learned through this whole ordeal before I end up saying things I don’t mean shall we?

The lesson is: Urinating back to back with a man twice your age as he talks to you about how the country’s president is a “no good, midget thief” all while grunting, moaning and establishing eye contact with you via a mirror  is a surprisingly pleasant experience every man should experience at least once in his lifetime.