Mike Villar: Rising Internet Star

Friends, I have a confession to make: for close to five days now, I have been coming in to work without taking a proper shower.

Now, before you judge me, let me clarify: It’s not that I don’t shower shower, it’s just that recently, I’ve ran out of bath soap and I’ve pretty much exclusively relied on water and deodorant for hygiene.

You’re probably asking “Why doesn’t the idiot just use somebody else’s soap? Unless he finds that idea icky which is weird considering he doesn’t have his own toothbrush and goes around using everybody else’s in his house indiscriminately”

To which I shall reply “Yes, I do in fact find using somebody else’s bath soap icky. Do you know that people use that thing to wash their asses after they poop? Also, it’s so not true that I use everybody’s toothbrush in my household. I only use my mom’s because I have this perception of her being the cleanest orally. What I do use at random and without careful judgment is deodorant. Where the fuck do you get your facts anyway?

I’ve been meaning to get a bar or two for the longest time but every time I walk past a grocery, a drugstore or whatever Watson’s-type establishment in the mall I’ve always managed to put it off. Each time I think to myself “Hey dude, you probably should get some bath soap. You ran out a few days ago remember?” and each time, I, almost instantaneously , shrug off the idea because I was either dicking around with my iPod, eating squid balls or decided that my money is better spent on blank DVDs.

Not to worry though, I will, eventually get bath soap. In the meantime, I think I am going to use shampoo for my body. At least until someone in the office notices and makes a comment about “somebody reeking badly of Pantene” Maybe THAT will compel to finally get the fucking soap.

For now, just be happy that I still have deodorant. Well my brother’s deodorant, but what the fuck are you anyway? A Fed?

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